Who Am I, Where Should I Go?

I'm considering applying for membership at a museum. There are two levels, one for the emerging artist and one for the established artist. For the emerging artist, they are seeking artists who wish to gain exposure, grow and improve his/her artistic talent. That applies to me. The next level for established artists, are artists established ("known" artists), who have exhibited extensively, with solo shows, and have gotten lots of press. Also that they teach in their medium. All these also apply to me. So, if the question is whether or not I'm done experimenting and am a landscape artist with my only interest being to improve my landscape techniques, then no, that absolutely does not apply to me. I don't plan on ever settling into one little comfortable area of painting and stay there. I do collage, I paint, I experiment A LOT and that's actually what I plan to do for the rest of my career. So, yeah, not sure which one to apply for.

Another thought. I'm established in South Jersey, and have been for many years. I'm emerging at the shore towns. I'm emerging in Philly. I'm emerging as a muralist. I'm well established as a painter. I am becoming well established with collage and mixed media. I am emerging with my 3-d works. I am well established as a teacher. See what I mean? These labels are confusing and if there's no realistic set of "rules" to describe these terms, to me, they don't really mean anything.

The cycle of preparing work for shows to fit a certain theme, then attending the shows and winning an award, then picking up unsold work from the show. I've had several all-night painting marathons lately in an attempt to get ready for various shows. A few years ago, this was what I wanted. I am thrilled at what I have accomplished, very pleased. Now I kind of have a feeling of "what now"? I need a new goal, something new to reach for.

I have a series of non-traditional portraits rolling around in my head for years. I think next year, I may go a little light on the exhibiting, not dropping out altogether, though. Maybe I'll concentrate on this series that's in my head. Do 20 or so throughout the year, then see where that takes me. It makes me nervous to start something with no real goal in mind, but with this, I think I need to find opportunities for the series after it's complete. It would be a nice change to follow my vision, not creating around a show's theme, or creating a mural in a library that has kids reading books. That's all good stuff, but I can work with no restrictions for a while. I like that idea. I think.

I have two receptions in Ocean City where my work is in two shows at two different galleries and one in Bridgeton tomorrow night. I've been notified that I've placed in the Bridgeton show, though I won't know what award until the awards ceremony. It's a purchase prize for this show, the prize money is to purchase the piece for the county's art collection, which is pretty cool. I think I have at least 6 pieces in their collection so far. Tomorrow will be a busy night.

What I'm working on: Day of the Dead inspired Holiday plates

text collage with acrylic paint:
"Rain V"

and the piece that I'm won with, a landscape, which I haven't done in ages. It was a nice break:

And today is my birthday! I wore a raspberry beret. The kind you find at a second hand store:

Frustration

I try to stay positive. I'm afraid this blog is going to be mostly complaining, however. Nothing is working. By the end of this week, I will have delivered work for two shows so far this season. A third show I was planning on participating in hasn't worked out. I just can't get anything to work. Painting is going too slow, I keep starting over, I just can't pull it together. It doesn't feel like creative block, exactly, I feel good about my concepts and when I begin a piece I have that burning flame deep within my belly, the excitement of creation unlike anything else. Half way in, however, I hate what I've done so far and begin again or abandon the project.

On top of being stuck in artistic molasses, our apartment was sprayed so I had to remove everything from our closets and cupboards and pull everything away from the walls. I should be putting all that we own back in its place as I write, but I just don't seem to have it in me right now. There's doctor's appointments, social obligations, and daily chores and errands, as there is with everyone in the world. The socializing usually gets put on the back burner because it's a non-essential, but I'm changing my attitude about that. Networking has gotten me twice as far as I could have alone, and I truly believe you get out of life what you put into it. I need to nurture my relationships, meet new people, and on occasion, enjoy myself. So, tonight, I will attend my film making friend's zombie makeup party, and tomorrow night I will go to the monthly artists' night at another friend's home. It's all good stuff, but add it all up and it equals maybe an hour or two to paint a day, and I can't get very far that way.

I think maybe I feel a little better just for having written this. Sometimes I know how to deal with a situation, but until I talk it out or write it down, I don't realize it. Something about putting it all into words. I'm still very frustrated by the mountain of work ahead of me, but I've scaled, moved, and sometimes blown mountains to smitherines, so I know I can do it.

"Season's Greetings", painted wooden plate

What I'm working on: I call them non-traditional holiday accent pieces. I am so not into pretty Christmas decorations, so I'm creating a series of painted plates, small canvases, and ornaments for the hipster set. Inspired by Day of the Dead sugar skulls, there's gingerbread men skeletons, a human skull with a santa hat, and candy canes for cross bones. They're bright and colorful, and although they're not for everyone, I can't think of anything more festive. I love bones. I collect bones and use them in my work. Painting them is fun, it doesn't take a lot of thought, and I can play with the colors and patterns and still be reasonably sure that I'll be happy with the results.